Hardware Store Songtext
von “Weird Al” Yankovic

Nothin′ ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news
He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they′re gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I′m so excited and I really don′t care
I've been waiting since last June
For this day to finally arrive
I′m so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I′m gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon


I can't wait, (no I) I can′t wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I′m) goin′, I'm a-goin′ to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I′m goin', really goin′ to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin′ to the (hard) oh yes, I′m goin' to the
Hardware store

In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line
Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine

Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically
And they′re doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball peen hammer free


I can′t wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I′m goin' (yes I'm) goin′, I′m a-goin' to the
Goin′ to the (hard) ware I'm goin′, really goin' to the
Goin′ (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I′m goin′ to the
Hardware store
I'm goin′ (yes I'm) goin′, I'm a-goin′ to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin′, really goin′ to the
Goin' (hard) I′m goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I′m goin' to the
Hardware store

(Would you look at all that stuff)
They′ve got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles

Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open the door?
I′m goin′ (yes I'm) goin′, I'm a-goin′ to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I′m goin', really goin' to the
Goin′ (hard) I′m goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I′m goin' to the
Hardware store

I′m goin' (yes I′m) goin', I'm a-goin′ to the
Goin′ to the (hard) ware I'm goin′, really goin' to the
Goin′ (hard) I'm goin′ to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I′m goin′ (yes I'm) goin′, I'm a-goin′ to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I′m goin', really goin' to the
Goin′ (hard) I′m goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I′m goin' to the
Hardware store