A Little Priest Songtext
von Stephen Sondheim

Seems a downright shame...
Shame?

Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice plump frame

Wots his name has
Had... has...
Nor he can′t be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift, as a gift
If you get my drift
Seems and awful waste
I mean... with the price of meat wot it is
When you get it, if you get it
Ah...

Good you got it
Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better using only pussy cats and toast
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most


And I′m sure they can't compare as far as taste
Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion
Eminently practical
Well it does seem a waste!
And yet appropriate as always
Ms. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years

I′ll never know!

How delectable!
Also undetectable!
Think about it

Lots of other gentlemen′ll soon be coming in for a shave
Won't they?

Think of
All them
Pies!
How choice!
How rare!
For what′s the sound of the world out there?

What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd
What is that sound?
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd
Yes all around
It's man devouring man, my dear!
Then who are we to deny it in here?


These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett
And desperate measures are called for
Here we are. Hot out of the oven

What is that?

Its priest
Have a little priest
Is it really good?

Sir, it′s too good, at least
Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh

So it′s pretty fresh
Awful lot of fat
Only where it sat

Haven't you got poet or something like that?
No you see the trouble with poet

Is how do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!

Lawyer′s rather nice
If it′s for a price
Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow it twice
Anything that's lean?

Well then if you′re British and loyal
You might enjoy royal marine

Anyway it's clean
Though of course it tastes of wherever it′s been!
Is that squire on the fire?

Mercy no, sir, look closer
You'll notice its grocer!

Looks thicker, more like vicar
No, it has to be grocer
It′s green!
The history of the world, my love

Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors

Is those below serving those up above!
Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors

How gratifying for once to know
That those above will serve those down below

What is that?
It's fop
Finest in the shop
Or we have some shepherds pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun
Is the politician so oily it′s served with a doily?
Have one!
Put it on a bun
Well you never know if it′s going to run!
Try the friar!
Fried, it's drier!
No!
The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy!
Then actor!
It′s compacter!
Ah, but always arrives overdone
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
Yes, yes, I know, my love
We′ll take the customers that we can get!
High-born and low, my love!
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we′ll serve anyone
We'll serve anyone!
Meaning anyone!
And to anyone
At all!