Franklin Shepard, Inc Songtext
von Stephen Sondheim

INTERVIEWER: Now, how do you two work together?

CHARLEY: Oh, may I answer that?

INTERVIEWER: please!

CHARLEY: how do we work together?
Sure
And I go (typewriter sound)

He goes (piano sound)
And I go (typewriter sound)
And soon we′re humming along
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
And that's called writing a song
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
Then he goes (piano sound)
And I go (typewriter sound)
And the phone goes drrrring!
And he goes
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter yes, Jeromoe,


Mutter no, Jerome,
Mutter mutter mutter mutter "
That′s his lawyer, Jerome
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter do it, Jerome ... "
Click
"Sorry, Charley ... "

So I go (typewriter sound)
And he goes (piano sound)
And I go (typewriter sound)
And soon we're tapping away
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
Bzzz!
"Sorry, Charley ... "
Bzzz!
It's the secretary
Bzzz!
On the intercom
"Yes, Miss Bzzz ... "
"It′s a messenger ... "
"Thanks, Miss Bzzz,
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you order the car?
Will you call up the bank?
Will you wire the coast?
Will you"


Drrrrrring!
"Sorry, Charley "
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter sell the stock
Mutter buy the rights
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter — "
Bzzz!
"Let me put you on hold ... "
Bzzz!
"Yes, Miss Bzzz ... "
"It′s the interview ... "
"Thanks, Miss Bizz,
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you wire the car?
Will you order the coast?
Will you send up the bank? ... "
And the telephones blink
And the stocks get sold
And the rest of us he keeps on hold,
And he's into making movies
And he′s now a corporation.
Right?

So I play at home
With my wife and kids
And I wait to hear the movie bids,
And I've got a little sailboat.
And I′m into meditation.
Right?

He flies off to California.
I discuss him with my shrink.
That's the story of the way we work,
Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc.

Hahaha I′m surprised at how much I like this
I promise to be honest if you promise to handle the lawsuit

Now, when you do work together, I've been curious,
Which generally comes first, Frank? the words or the music?

Generally, the contract.

That sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist.

Money?
Did I say money?
No, I like money a lot
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
I mean, it's better than not
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
But when it′s
(Grunts hungrily) Money ...
(Grunts hungrily) Money (grunts hungrily)
When you′re into
(Snorts) Money ...
And you should be

Listen, Frank does the money thing very well
But you know what?
There are other people who do it better.
And Frank does the music thing very
Well.
And you know what? No one does it better.

Still the telephones blink
And the buzzers buzz
And I really don't know what he does,
But he makes a ton of money,
And a lot of it for me
Right?

So I think "Okay,"
And I start a play,
And he somehow knows,
′Cause right away
It's drrrring!
"Hiya, buddy,
Wanna write a show?
Got a great idea,
We′ll own all the rights
With a two-week out
And a turnaround
On the guarantee
Plus a gross percent
Of the billing clause "

And there I am in California
Talking deals and turning pink,
Back in business and I mean just that,
Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc.

Very sneaky how it happens,
Much more sneaky than you think.
Start with nothing but a song to sing,
Next you're Franklin Shepard

Wait a second, wait
I′m getting in too deep here

Franklin, let me ask you...

See, Frank and I are not that kind of close
Not like we used to be.
And a friendship's like a garden.
You have to water it and tend it and care about it.
And you know what?
I miss it
And I want it back.

Nothing permanent has happened,
Just a temporary kink.
Friendship's something you don′t really lose

Ladies and gentleman,
Don′t let me lose the greatest composer any lyricist ever had
Phone him!
Write him!
Stop him on the street!
You'll recognize him
He′s the one going through his checkbook
And tell that man to get back to his piano

Very sneaky how it happens,
Every day you're on the brink.
First the prizes, then the interviews
Oh, my God, I think it′s happened,
Stop me quick before I sink.
One more triumph that I can't refuse

In case you didn′t notice, this is my first time on TV — and my last.

No, here's the point, whatever happens
Then we'll all go have a drink
That′s the guy I love, the fella who′s inside
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter quick, Jerome,
Get the president,
There's a crazy man
On my TV screen ... "
Inside
Bzzz! Bzzz! Drrring!
Inside
Franklin Shepard
Just wtite him care of any bank, U.S.A.
Inc.