Rock'n'Roll Nerd Songtext
von Tim Minchin

He doesn′t have a problem with drugs
He just doesn't get ′em
He's fine that his mates have tattoos
But he thinks they'll regret ′em
He likes going to bars
But he hates it when the music′s too loud
He tends not to go to rock concerts
'Cause he can′t stand the crowds

But all he's ever wanted to be
Is a rock star on MTV
But he knows that it′s not fuckin' likely
He′s almost thirty

He knows that he will always be
A rock'n'roll nerd
He′ll keep writing songs the world will never hear
And though they won′t be heard
He'll just keep writing, oh yeah


But you see the problem is
He always dreamt of being a star
But he learned piano instead of guitar
Which in the ′90s didn't get you very far
So while the other kids were learning Stairway
He was the piano to their forte

But he was convinced one day
He′d rock their fuckin' asses
And be an icon for the disenfranchised masses
And grow his hair long and rebel against the state
But just for now that′d have to wait
'Cause he's running late for his morning classes

And he will always be
A rock′n′roll nerd
He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about
And though it sounds absurd
He′ll just keep playing, oh yeah

But you see the problem is
There's not much depth in what he′s singing
He's a victim of his happy middle-class upbringing
So he can′t write about the hood or bling-bling
So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead
To try and evoke some angst in his middle-class head
But she's always fine at half past nine when they go to bed


And he's not spent a single night in prison
He has no issues with nutrition
He has no drinking problem (problem)
And no drug addiction (no drug addiction)
Unless you count the drugs (unless you count the)
They put in chicken (they put in chicken)
And marijuana always tends to make him cough (and marijuana)
He doesn′t look good with his t-shirt off
And when he tries to act tough, you can tell he′s trickin'

And while his mates all go out late
Popping pills and having fun
He goes home and showers
And gets a good eight hours
He gets his thrills from his morning run
And while his mates all go on dates
Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Beam
He stays home and cooks
Curls up with a book
With the girl he′s had since he was seventeen

'Cause he′s never really been part of the scene
Given Guns N' Roses he′ll take Queen
He's more into Beatles than The Stones
He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones
And he′s never owned a panel van
He never shot a Pantera fan
He doesn′t know the difference between metal and thrash
He couldn't tell you nothing about Axl and Slash

He likes Ben Folds and the Jackson Five
He knows all the words to Staying Alive
And though he tries to be all grungy and cool
He spent eleven years at a motherfuckin′ private school
So it don't matter how he tries
He cannot hide behind his rock′n'roll lies
′Cause you've either got it or you don't
Yeah, you′ll either rock it or you won′t

Yeah, you've either got it or you don′t
Yeah, you'll either rock it or you won′t
Yeah, you've either got it or you don′t
Yeah, you'll either rock it, rock it, rock it or you won't

He knows that his music lacks depth
But it just can′t be helped
He has nothing interesting to say
So he writes about himself
But he doesn′t wanna seem self-obsessed
So he writes in third person
In an attempt to sound more rock'n′roll
But he suspects it's not working

And deep in his heart he knows (deep in his heart)
That he′ll never be Jet or Eskimo Joe (Jet or Eskimo Joe)
And even if he was quite pretty
With small pants like Kylie

He knows that he will always be
A rock'n′roll nerd
He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear
And though they won't be heard
He′ll just keep trying, oh yeah

You might not like him but he don′t care
'Cause he wants to rock (rock)
And he will never be deterred
But he′ll always be a fucked up little
Try-hard wannabe rock'n′roll nerd
A rock'n′roll nerd