Natalie’s Rap (Edited) Songtext
von The Lonely Island

And in three, two...
We′re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman
Hello
So Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Do you really wanna know? Please, tell us

I don′t sleep motherfucker off that yak and that Durban
Doin' one twenty, gettin' head while I′m swervin′
Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in dudes' mouth like gushers motherfucker
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker

What you want, Natalie? To drink and fight
What you need, Natalie? To fuck all night

Don′t test when I'm crazy off that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat ′til your shit's in my shoe
Leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning
Fuck your man, it′s my name that he's screamin'


I′m sorry Natalie, but are we to believe
You condone driving while intoxicated?
I never said I was a role model
But what about the kids that look up to you?
Do you have a message for them?

All the kids lookin′ up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman motherfucker, drink ′til I'm sick
Slit your throat and poor nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry, while I laugh, you die
And all the dudes, you know I′m talkin' to you
We love you Natalie, I wanna fuck you too
P is for Portman, P is for pussy
I′ll kill your fuckin' dog for fun, so don't push me

Wow, Natalie I′m surprised
All this from a Harvard graduate
Well, there′s a lot you may not know about me
Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse and you gotta bunch of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit


Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch, hell yeah
And I always pay for your dry cleanin'
When my shit gets in your shoe, what?
And as for the drug use, well I can vouch for that
My dick is scared of you, girl

Okie-doke, Natalie, one final question
If you could steal a smooch
From any guy in Hollywood, who would it?
No more questions
What?