Bells and Whistles Songtext
von Jane Krakowski

If it pleases the court, and I know that I do
There′s something that I simply must address
I have heard a report, and I swear it's not true
About the secret to my great success
So I am here to set the record straight
There are just two methods that I use to help me litigate

Bells and whistles will get ′em off
Although the purists, they may scoff
All you need are bells and whistles to win the case
Though other jurists may say you're a disgrace
The prosecution, they may rest
Convinced that they have done their best
Then I start blowin', I start clangin′
One more Joe avoids a hangin′


Bells and whistles are all you need
Plus a comprehensive knowledge of the law

Plus a comprehensive knowledge of the

Thank you to the judge and all the members of the jury
I will try to make this brief because I know you're in a hurry
See, my client, the defendant, Dr. Joshua D. Skinner
He was merely at the club to take his darling wife to dinner
He stumbled on the body of Miss Elsie, the decedent
And you may jump to conclusions, but the fact is that you needn′t
The prima facie evidence though it's an avalanche
Will be expressly and indubitably proven circumstantial
The testimony′s hearsay and it reeks of retribution
So what we have here is nothing but malicious prosecution
And a verdict of not guilty is the only just solution

Bells and whistles are all you need
Plus a comprehensive knowledge, the kind you get in college
A comprehensive knowledge of the law