Titties ’n Beer Songtext
von Frank Zappa

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain′t shinin'
′Cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
′Long the aide of me

I′m mean 'n I′m bad, y'know I ain′t no sissy
Got a big titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her ′n my bike 'n me
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets
Was actin′ weird up here
So I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin′ on"
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone


"Where′s those titties I like so well
'N′ my godam beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, ′n up jumped the Devil
He's about this big

He had a red suit on
An' a widow′s peak
An′ then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I swear I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofabifch!"
′Cause I was mad at him
Well he just got out the floss
'N started cleanin′ his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG


The sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?"
YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? "Yeah! titties ′n all!"
WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN? "Were the cans this tall?"
EVEN HER BOOTS? "Would I lie to you?"
SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "Yes, this is true'
'WELL DON′T THEY PAY Y′ALL GOOD FOR THE
STUFF THAT YOU DO?
"I can't complain when the checks come through "
WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, ′N I WANT MY BEER
SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL
DO YOU HEAR!
"Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I am fhe Devil
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here"
YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE
THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON
I LEARNED WRITIN′ FOR
GIMME THAT PAPER ... BET YER ASS
I'LL SIGN . . . ′CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY
SQUEEZIN′ TIME!

"You can′t fool me, man . . . you ain't that bad
I mean you shoulda seen some of fhe souls I had
Why there was Milhous Nixon ′n Agnew too
'N both of fhose suckers was worse ′n you
"WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT′S TRUE
I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL SO ... WHATCHA GONNA DO?

"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think
I mean ... hold on a minute, boy . . . that′s
Magic Ink!"

And then the Devil puked
′N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN′
All around the world, she said
"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS
AN′ I'M GONNA GET WRECKED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

And then she gave us the finger
It was rigid ′n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff
The Devil was mad took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?