The Jazz Discharge Party Hats Songtext
von Frank Zappa

Once upon a time
It was in Albuquerque, New Mexico
There were these girls that worked at the college
They were really cool
They thought so anyway
They would be delighted to tell you how suave they where
At the drop of a hat

There was three of ′em
One of 'em thought she was a beauty queen
The other one was a walking blowjob
And then there was a skinny girl
Oh well


Some of the guys in the band got together with the girls from the college
They were having a good time
We were in Alburquerque for a couple of days
But these girls thought they were hot shit
Wouldn′t pooch the guys in the band on the first day, so
A couple of the guys in the band who were desparate for that kind of action
Kept workin' on 'em for two days
Which is a waste of fuckin′ time anyway
So, anyway
But if that′s your idea of a good time, what the hey
Send those pants up here, here's some more
Okay, good, good
Traditional cotton, oh, how sweet
Here work these

Anyway
We′re in Albuquerque, New Mexico
A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless
Because their girlfriends might find out
Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls from the college
So, one night, it was the first night
When they were still trying to 'get it in there
You know what I mean? Ha ha ha


The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band
She says, well, to several of the guys in the band
And one of the T-shirt guys too
"Hey, let′s go skinny dipping"
At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel
That′s right, your heard right
Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel
It was so fun
But the water was very, very cold
So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny
And probably totally insensitive to climatic changes
Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool
And she says, "Hey guys, come on in"
One of 'em did
The other one was too smart for that shit
So him and the T-shirt guy sat by the edge of the pool
And when the girl who was really skinny
And insensitive to climatic changes
Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool
She threw her pants over there by the little table

Well, one of the guys in the band picked up here panties
He told me later the stuff in the bottom was like punching an eclair
Anyhow, there was nothing else to do
It was Alburquerque, New Mexico
It′s two o′clock in the morning
They're not going to get any nooky anyway
So this one guy and the T-shirt guy started sniffing the girl′s panties
They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue
Sniffing everything that adhered to these delightful little morsels
Some of you might think this is weird
No wonder, it's not exactly normal, but what the fuck
So, they′re snorting it
Hey, it's the 20th century
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let′s get on with it
So long as it doesn't cause a murder

So they're snorting the pants
And then they put ′em on their heads
They were having a good time
The girl was in the water, she didn′t even see what was going on with her underpants
They were wearing the pants
It looked just like a tiny little party hat
Their ears were sticking out the side, it was so fun
Later on they discovered
This would make a great way of life for them
They would go from town to town, looking for panties
They would take the panties after they were hung up on the clothes line
Later on they would take 'em back in the dressing room
They would play with them
They would fetish the underpants
They would snort every little morsel attached to the underpants
And then they would feel that they were fulfilled

And so you can see
That what we′re doing here on stage is part of a great American tradition
The tradition of the jazz discharge party hat