Harry‐As‐a‐Boy Songtext
von Frank Zappa

HARRY, is that YOU as a BOY?
Why, it MUST be
He′s so charming and sweet and likeable
HARRY-AS-A-BOY, c'mon over ′n say a few words to de nice peoples
Hi, folks
Nice to be here

I's sure dere be lotsa folks like to know what yo' plans are
How y′intend t′be gwine about dis uncredibly serious bidniss o' GROWIN′ UP IN ERMERICA!
Well, I plan on making a few mistakes
Having my heart broken and so forth, using all kinds of drugs
And turning gay as soon as possible in order to accelerate my rise to the 'top of the heap′

Ahh
Tremenjous, HARRY-AS-A-BOY, simply tre-MENJOUS
You practicin' up fo it wit anybody in po-ticlar now?
I can′t afford to study with anyone yet
Since the bulk of my allowance goes for glue and Grateful Dead tickets
But soon I hope to be on my knees in a REAL HOMO BATH HOUSE
Maybe when my folks go on vacation


Ain't you de clever one
Tell us, HARRY-AS-A-BOY, howdja recide upon dis here life-style bein' DE ONE FO YOU?
It was pretty simple, really
I lost all desire for intercourse with females when they started carrying those briefcases and wearing suits ′n ties

WHAT?
Let′s face it, that would be like fucking a slightly more voluptuous version of somebody's father
N I′m far too sensitive for such a traumatic experience

You means DE WOMENS' LIBROMATION MOVENINT done created de uncontrollable urgement to play dingle-dangle-dingle wit de personal requipment of yo own gender?
To a degree
I mean
Look, I′m not stupid
I know it's all a thoroughly workable government-sponsored program to control the Population Explosion
And, just like every other AMERICAN, I′m too concerned with MY OWN personal health and well being to think of devoting any of MY precious time to something as boring as '
REPRODUCTION'

HARRY, I used to think you were merely an OVER-EDUCATED SHIT-HEAD
But now that I finally have proof, it′s going to give me GREAT PLEASURE to refer to you as an OVER-EDUCATED COCKSUCKER
Well, to be honest with you, dearest, I sort of
Gulp, gulp

Where′s the fairies on a string, HARRY?
Huh?
Riddle me this


Easy there, white folks
I told y'all′d be gettin' yo′ fairies after while, 'n y′know dat sort o' thing take a little time to woik up to in yo' BROADWAY SITCHYATIUM
MAMMYS step faw′d ′n hep de lil' cocksucker out