Another M.O.I. Anti‐Smut Loyalty Oath Songtext
von Frank Zappa

Alright
We have another special thing we have to do before we begin our program
It′s a little problem that we run into every time we play in a socially retarded area

Basically what it amounts to is this—
Some people have the wrong idea about what our musical ensemble is all about
You know
They have these praised fantasies about what we're gonna do when we get on stage, you see?

And Florida being the great place that it is, has quite a few of these fantasies and, you know
They′re disturbing enough that some promoters
And uh, important people down here deemed that necessary to put special clauses into our contract
That would preclude anything that would fall under the classification of obscenity
Or weirdness on stage
So to prove that our heart is in the right place we're gonna take a loyalty oath now on stage
Swear it before you
Everybody in the band, raise your right hand
I hereby, no— "I," then you say your name


I
(I . . . Volman)
Do hereby solemnly swear (do hereby solemnly swear)
In accordance with the laws of the great state of Florida
(In accordance with the laws of the great state of Florida)
And the demands of rednecks everywhere
(And the demands of rednecks everywhere)
Do hereby solemnly (do hereby solemnly)
Agree (agree)
Under no circumstances whatsoever (under no circumstances whatsoever)
Outside of a private showing in the hotel some place (outside... Call me later)
I hereby swear I would not whip out my tool (tool)
Bolt (bolt)
Rod (rod)
Rubber (rubber)
Penis (penis)
Or any other name that you wanna call (or any other name... Right on)
Promise to pull your legs
(Right)
Here in Florida
(Yeah)
In the rock 'n′ roll industry
(Yeah)
So help me God (so help me God)
(Thank you!)
As we...