Captain Kirk vs Christopher Columbus Songtext
von Epic Rap Battles of History

Arrivederci
I′mma leave before this battle begins
Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation
I′ll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the next generation
So bring it on
I'll whip you like a Klingon
My rhymes will burrow in your ears like The Wrath of Khan
I′ve got a neck chop for Spock I′ll put my sword through Sulu
Check into a Priceline Hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu


I'm the enterprising Captain James Tiberius Kirk
Representing Riverside Iowa, planet Earth
I hear you call yourself an explorer
But I′m just not having it
You discovered a new world that was already inhabited
Why don't you boldly go someplace you′ve never gone before like India
Or any destination you actually set sail for
You spaghetti eating fuck
How's your spice rack doing?
I′ll be chilling in my spaceship
Have fun canoeing

You know rapping against you it's not even fun
It's like somebody set your brains on stun
I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain
I′ll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

Mr. Spock beam me back to 1492 so I can beat this man like it′s my job
We'll see how Isabella likes my Captain′s log
It's Kobayashi for you, there′s no way you could win
When your weak crew sees me approaching
They'll be like, dammit it′s Jim
I'll double-fist-punch you, you slave making bitch!
Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge