Blackbeard vs Al Capone Songtext
von Epic Rap Battles of History

I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger
Walk under the black flag with a scallywag swagger!
Ain′t no parrot on my shoulder and no rings in my ear
I'm an irate pirate, real swashbuckling buccaneer!
Beef with me? Please! I′m the high seas Caesar!
My cold heart is many degrees beneath the deep freezer!
You're an obese greasy sleaze squeezing a diseased peter
That no skeezer would touch if she had fifty foot tweezers!
Don't start a war with me! You′re not hard core!
I′ll pimp-slap those face scars of yours, port and starboard!
You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine
If you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes!


I′m a busy man, Captain Crunch, I'll make this quick
I′m ruining pirates faster than Johnny Depp did!
I had syphilis yeah, well you're a huge dick
With a scurvy ridden ship filled with bilge rat pricks!
I run an intricate criminal syndicate so show respect!
Or get that tongue ripped out your neck and shoved right up your poop deck!
Been slappin′ bitch ass teaches back since I was 14!
You ain't a tough guy, my kids dress up like you for Halloween!
I'll use that fuse in your hat to light up you and your buddies
And burn your sailboat down and collect the insurance money!
Then maybe they′ll find your bloated body dead and washed up on the beach
This is Capone rapping and I′m capping this captain, Capisce?

Aye, the Valentine massacre brought you condemnation
But I'm gonna sink you faster than your income tax evasion!
When I toss you overboard like a mob abomination
So prepare to learn the Davy Jones Locker combination!
Forty cannon on the Queen Anne, your gang can′t stop it!
I'll pilfer all your rum and sell it back at a profit!
Cause I′m a criminal legend with a bad ass name
You're a fat thug with an STD in his brain!

C′mon, they chopped your head off and they hung it from a rope
The only legend you left was your prohibition on soap!
I mean that rat nest beard's trapped so many crumbs
This bum could get marooned and still eat lunch for a month!
I'm the emcee assassin slash like Edward Kenway!
Rap so hard call me Al... dente!
Take your little sloop John B and go home
Tell South Carolina Blackbeard got Capwned!