Caught Big Time Songtext
von Bill Engvall

And now my little girl′s getting older now
She's starting to ask questions about things
I don′t think she needs to know the answer to
Ever

The other morning, we were having coffee together
My wife and I, I'm sorry, not my daughter
You have more coffee? Only fourth grade's starting
No, thanks, Daddy, I′m buzzed

Alright, baby, be sure you color inside the lines today
Color inside the lines?
I′ll be lucky to find the paper I got to shake so bad
Hey, I didn't think of that
Here, I have one of Daddy′s cigarettes that'll calm me down

So my wife and I were having coffee
My daughter walks in and goes, "Daddy, what is sex?"
Well, after I spit coffee all over the table
And peeled my wife off the ceiling


She′s screaming, I told you she saw us
I told you she saw us, I'm like, shut up
She didn′t see us, boy
You'd be great under interrogation
We're guilty, we did it, we′re sorry

So I turn to my little girl and I go
Baby, I go, where′d you hear this?
She said, Daddy, my friend at school
Said, "sex is when a man and woman kiss and then they wrestle around"

Well, I just depends on how well you wrestle, honey
Once you run along nowadays, don't give mama a pile driver
Little fantasy of mine
She wears a mask, I really don′t know who she is

Anyway, so
Anybody ever been caught by your kids
During that little romantic moment?
That's embarrassing, isn′t it?
I never thought we'd get caught, we got caught big time

I mean, we were under the covers
We weren′t like swinging, from the lamps or nothing
Thank God we'd stop that
That'd have been embarrassing
What are you doing, Daddy? Ho!


Changing the light bulb, honey
Naked? I didn′t want my clothes to catch on fire
That light bulb could blow up, poof!, my clothes would be gone
Safety, punkin′, safety

But it was just one of those little morning things
We thought she was watching cartoons
And apparently there was a commercial
Because my wife and I were in the bed, and we were into it, y'all

And I feel this tapping on the back of my head
And my first thought was, I know my wife′s not that limber
I knew we were in trouble
And I don't want that to sound mean
Because it′s not meant to

It's just after 13 years of marriage
You learn what they can and can′t do
You don't ask for it anymore
It's like, I can′t do that, sorry
I got to reread that manual

And if you′ve got kids in the school system
You know what I'm about to talk about
Those kids bring home stuff to sell
Every other day from school, don′t they?
They turn them into little Amway people

We've been through candy bars, wrapping paper, wallpaper
You know what we got in our house right now?
A case of light bulbs, I swear to word of God
Light bulbs, blind people make them

Which I think is really cruel
I mean, how do they know if they work?
Do they screw them in? Stop hot chipping
But that′s a good one (whoo)

And then the kids go sell these light bulbs
And give the money back to the blind people
Which is a great cause
But now, I got to go with my daughter door to door

And go, hi, we're back
I′m Bill, this is my daughter
And we'd like to sell you some light bulbs
Of course, she chimes in
Be sure you take off all your clothes before you screw them in, though