We Will All Go Together When We Go Songtext
von Tom Lehrer

I am reminded at this point of a fellow I used to know
Whose name was Henry, only to give you an idea of what
A individualist he was, he spelled it H-E-N-3-R-Y –
The three was silent, you see


Henry was financially independent, having inherited his
Father′s tar-and-feather business, and was therefore
Able to devote his full time to such intellectual pursuits
As writing. I particularly remember a heartwarming novel
Of his about a young necrophiliac who finally achieved his
Boyhood ambition by becoming coroner... (The rest of you
Can look it up when you get home.)
In addition to writing, he indulged in a good deal of
Philosophizing. Like so many contemporary philosophers, he
Especially enjoyed giving helpful advice to people who were
Happier than he was. And one particular bit of advice which
I recall – which is the reason I bring up this whole dreary
Story – is something he said once, before they took him away
To the "Massachusetts State Home for the Bewildered".
He said: "Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends
On what you put into it." It's always seemed to me that this
Is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so
Desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and
Universal brouhaha. And so with this in mind, I have here a
Modern, positive, dynamic, uplifting song, in the tradition
Of the great old revival hymns. This one might more accurately
Be termed a survival hymn. It goes like this:

When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner o′
Later those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjec-
Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do
(But don't you worry.)
No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day never more adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve

And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement
An inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go


We will all go together when we go
All suffuse with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance
Lloyd′s of London will be loaded when they go

Oh we will all fry together when we fry
We′ll be french fried potatoes by and by
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry

Down by the old maelstrom
There'll be a storm before the calm

And we will all bake together when we bake
There′ll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation
In that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak

Oh we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.
And the party will be "come-as-you-are."

Oh we will all burn together when we burn
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it′s time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dolla′s

And we will all go together when we go
Ev'ry Hottenhot an' ev′ry Eskimo
When the air becomes uranious
And we will all go simultaneous
Yes we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go