No Lock on the Door Songtext
von The Lancashire Hotpots

Before the pub tonight
I had a Vesta curry
I′ve been on the Guinness
I drank 'em in a hurry
Now I don′t feel well
And there's nowhere else to choose
I'll have to do my business
In the pub loos

There′s no toilet paper
No toilet seat
In the next cubicle
There′s two pairs of feet
And I hope this is water
Covering the floor
And I'm whistling
Coz there′s no lock on the door


I'd kill for Domestos
Or a toilet brush
The graffiti in here
Would make Frankie Boyle blush
Someone′s written
"For a good time here's a number to call"
Hang on that′s my
Phone number on the wall

There's no toilet paper
No toilet seat
In the next cubicle
There's two pairs of feet
And I hope this is water
Covering the floor
And I′m whistling
Coz there′s no lock on the door

I need to finish
Its more than I can bear
But it's hard to go
When you′re crouching in mid air
With your trousers round your ankles
It's hard to be discreet
And I′m going to have wipe
With a Tesco's receipt


There′s no toilet paper
No toilet seat
In the next cubicle
There's two pairs of feet
And I hope this is water
Covering the floor
And I'm whistling
Coz there′s no lock on the door

My eyes are streaming
What can I say
The conditions are better
In Guantanamo Bay
I need toilet paper
And saving from this hell
But the Andrex puppy′s fainted
Because of the smell

There's no toilet paper
No toilet seat
In the next cubicle
There′s two pairs of feet
And I hope this is water
Covering the floor
And I'm whistling
Coz there′s no lock on the door