If I Had a TARDIS Songtext
von The Lancashire Hotpots

Before I go drinking on Saturday night
There′s a programme I like to watch
It features a Time Lord, a dog called K9
And a little blue box
If it landed round our way
I'd borrow that box if you please
I′d go back in time, pick up Henry the 8th
For an all you can eat Chinese

Oh, If I had a TARDIS
I wouldn't fight Daleks or crime
When it got to last orders
I'd reappear at opening time
I′d travel the universe in search of ale
Davros he could take a rest
My assistants would be Oliver Reed
Richard Burton and George Best


I′d get leathered on Logopolis
As fast as I was able
I'd find the best bar-o
On the Planet Skaro
Drink Autons under the table
But the Doctor has enemies far and wide
I′d have to buy them drinks for free
I'd let bygones be bygones
Drink sherry with Zygons
With a session on Metebilis 3

Oh, If I had a TARDIS
I wouldn′t fight Daleks or crime
When it got to last orders
I'd reappear at opening time
I′d travel the universe in search of ale
Davros he could take a rest
My assistants would be Oliver Reed
Richard Burton and George Best
And Amy Winehouse
Richard Burton and George Best
And Whitney Houston
Richard Burton and George Best