Classical Teacher Songtext
von Tenacious D

Hey Kage

Jables

How goes it man?

It′s good, it's good

You know I′ve been thinkin' a lot about it
And um, I just want us to be the best fuckin' band in the world

Well, yeah, me too

I mean, there′s no point in doin′ it if we're not the best

Well, it′s true, I agree with that

I mean what, what, we're gonna be, yeah we′re really good
We're almost as good as Arcade Fire, fuck that

Yeah

We gotta leave those fuckers in the dust

What, what do you mean?

All those fuckin′ youngsters gotta lick our boot or fuck it
You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, well how do we do that though?

Dude, you need to fuckin' have some lessons

What


You know you're really good, but you gotta expand your game

Lessons?

You know how Kobe, in the off-season, will go and like
Learn a fuckin′, you know, a Texas-two-step or somethin′
To add to his arsenal?

Yeah, that's true, that′s true

Well I've just been noticing
Some of your classic riffs are a little sloppy

Really? Huh

And I, I hope you′re not pissed off at me
But I went and hired a dude

Yeah?

Yeah

Oh no, what?

Dude, just give it a chance will you?
If you don't like, hey, I swear, if you don′t like it
We'll fuckin' fire his ass, he′s out

Who is this guy? I′ve never

His name is Felix Char

Oh, what?


He's from Spain and he is the best
I got him from the fuckin′ London Field S'armonic

I just, I don′t know him, it seems weird, I

Would you just, will you spend a minute with him?

Okay, alright, I'll spend a minute with him

He′s right outside, I'm sending him in

Oh, God, okay
Why? Lessons, so stupid

Hello?

H-hi

Hello, I am Felix Char

Hi, uh, Felix, yeah, who

Is, uh, Jack has asked me to spend some time with you

Oh, yeah, okay

Uh, one on one
So, while Jack is outside, we will work on your technique

Okay

Can I see your, pickup, eh, is this your guitar here?

Yeah, I got it right, I got it

Ah, it is a Fender, huh? Is this a Fender?

Oh, well, it's a Gibson

Yes, a Gibson, yes, made by the same, uh, manufacturer
Pick it up, please, can you pick it up?

Okay, yeah

No-to-to-to-to-pa-pa-pa-pa
What? What′d I do? What′d I do?
You pick it up from the neck
This is not the way you pick up a guitar
I just picked it up, I just
No no, hey hey hey hey
Cayate tu boca
You pick it up from the body, okay?
The what?
The body
Oh the body, okay, okay
I'm sorry about my accent
I didn′t know, I didn't know
Now listen to me
I want to you to play like it is a woman
You go and play the guitar now, play
Uhh, okay, uhh
No no no no no
Your fingers, your fingers are too tight
They′re too tight?
Yes, let me get behind you like this, you see
If I put my finger on your finger, then you can feel
What? Hey, I can play, just
Shu-shu-shu-shu-shu
Just let me play
Finger to your mouth, I put my, my finger on your mouth
On your lips, yes that's good
Hey, man, what are you?
Relax, hey, you want to play like an orgasm
I′m just try, what?
Feel this, do you feel that?
Oh God, this is really weird man
That's, that's my cock
What?!
It′s my cock in your butt cheeks
Oh God, hey!
You feel it?
Ow!
Now I′m going to touch your cock, let me touch your penis
It's me, it′s me
What?!
It's JB, there′s no Felix dude
God, what are you doing?
There's no Felix
I′m fucking waking you up!
And trying to shake your foundations
By touching me with your penis?
Yes, by fucking touching your penis, whatever it takes
God!
That's all I'm saying, dude, I′m making a point
Let′s get fucking serious, let's get fucking physical!
Alright, let′s take it from the top