‘M’ is for Magic Missile Songtext
von Mary Crowell

Ask any little wizard, they′ll tell you for a fee
You have to learn your magic, know your spells from A to Z
There are spells that cause destruction, spells that make 'em dance
Spells that make ′em blind or deaf or better at romance

M is for Magic (ooh) Missile (ooh)
You'll cast it 'til (ooh) they put you in your grave (ooh)
It hurts them just a bit (ooh)
But you never (ooh) roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

A for Antimagic Field and B for Bigby′s Hands
C will charm a person, so you′ll be in high demand
D for Domination or it's death, just point a finger
E is Enervation, hope that level loss will linger, but

M is for Magic (ooh) Missile (ooh)
You′ll cast it 'til (ooh) they put you in your grave (ooh)
It hurts them just a bit (ooh)
But you never (ooh) roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save


F for Feather Fall and Feeblemind, False Life, False Vision
Fireball makes me happy too (ooh) a difficult decision
(Ooh) G′s got Gate and Glitterdust (ooh) H is Haste and Hold
(ooh) Heroism makes my brawny meatshields (ooh) big and bold

I for Invisibility cast on the rogue that you can't see, oh (ah-ah)

M is for Magic (ooh) Missile (ooh)
You′ll cast it 'til they kick you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit (ooh)
But you never (ooh) roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

J for Jump is jumping, K for Keen Edge, really keen
L for Legend Lore, let's see what secrets can we glean?
(Ooh) M is for my favorite spells, Mage Armor, Magic Jar (ooh)
(Ooh) N′s for Nondetection so they won′t know where you are (ooh)

But don't forget the best one yet

M is for Magic (ooh) Missile (ooh)
You′ll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit (ooh)
But you never (ooh) roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save


Otto′s Irresistible Dance
Never even gives them a chance
To save
Phantasmal Killer puts them in their grave
Wizard spells never start with Q
But Quicken is an awesome feat for you
'Cause you can Quicken

M (Magic Missile) is for Magic Missile (Magic Missile)
You′ll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit (Magic Missile)
But you never roll to hit (Magic Missile)
And your victims do not ever get a save

R will give you Rary's, S will give you Slow
T will give you Teleport, where do you want to go?
(Ooh) U spells all begin with un, Vampiric Touch is V
W′s Wish and Wall of Fire, and then we go to Z

So tell me why are there no spells that start with Y or X?
Still

M (and unnecessary) is for Magic Missile (to cast it very carefully)
You′ll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit (M-I-S-S-I-L-E)
But you never roll to hit (will injure him)
And your victims do not ever get a save

M is for Magic Missile (A, B, C, D, E, F, G)
You′ll cast it 'til they put you in your grave (H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O)
It hurts them just a bit (P, Q, R, S, T)
(U, V, W, X, Y, Y, Y, and Z) you cast Shield? Ok, Shield, I′ll cast Greater Dispel Magic on your Shield
(A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L) no, Dispel Magic comma Greater, then I'll Quicken
A Magic Missile, yeah, yeah, yeah, Magic Missile, uh-huh
A Magic Missile, yeah, yeah, yeah, Magic Missile, uh-huh
A Magic Missile, yeah, yeah, yeah, Magic Missile
Magic Missile