Chase Through the Subway Songtext
von John Mulaney
Chase Through the Subway Songtext
I've lived in New York City now for a few years
And I have a new phenomenon in my life Where late at night on the street,
A womon will see me as a threat.
That is funny ya, hahaha that is silly
Its weird too because like,
I'm still afraid of being kidnapped.
But I'll give you the best example of this,
A couple of months ago I was at a subway station,
At 2 o'clock in the morning, alright?
and I'm changing between trains.
2 o'clock in the morning and at this subway station
You have to like walk down this long hall way in order to change trains.
So it's 2 o'clock in the morning
An its just me and this woman.
And were walking down the hallway,
she's walking a few yards ahead of me,
But she keeps giving me Like
the over the shoulder
like that you know.
And then, she starts to pick up the pace,
Like she starts to walk ALOT faster.
So I think "oh she must hear the train coming"
Or maybe she feels it in her feet like a Native American in a movie.
So I start to sprint down the hallway
at her
And she looks back and she's like "AHHHHHH"
And then she gives chace so now
we're booking it down the corridor
at 2 o'clock in the morning & I'm gaining on her!
Im gaining on her, and were getting to the end of the hallway,
And she starts to go into that like deadend shuffle
You know that women do when you chase'm.
And im almost there,
I'm almost at her and it dawns on me
"Oh she's running from me"
Because in her eyes I'm an adult
And adults rape each other
Kind of allot
So I wanted to go up to her and be like
"heeyyy nnooo,
Nahhh I'm not like a I'm not like a rrr like a rrr and im rrrr I'm not a man.
I'm just some stupid punk you know"
But I thank that, that would be equally creepy.
Ok, as if you ran into a subway station at 2 in the morning and I chased you down
Grabbed you and sayed "I'm not going to rape you I'm a little boy."
I've always been to interested in crime news and stuff like that
Like cold case files and that kind of thing
I love reading crime news in general
I like uhh the local paper in a city
Because they always have good crime coverage
And it's funny to me when the local paper will try and make someone sound prettier after their murdered
Like you'll walk by the news stand
and you'll see the headline
"Beauty Slain" and then you'll look at the photo and your like ummm...
How bout body found.
My new favorite term in uh crime reporting is someone is a person of interest
That means someone is like an unofficial suspect in a case
Which I think is a pretty good term
But to me Person of Interest to me almost sounds too flattering
Like if I was in my apartment and the police pounded on my door
And we're like A man was murdered in your lobby last night
And you are a person of interest
I would be like "Muah" oh do go on.
Fresh.
And I have a new phenomenon in my life Where late at night on the street,
A womon will see me as a threat.
That is funny ya, hahaha that is silly
Its weird too because like,
I'm still afraid of being kidnapped.
But I'll give you the best example of this,
A couple of months ago I was at a subway station,
At 2 o'clock in the morning, alright?
and I'm changing between trains.
2 o'clock in the morning and at this subway station
You have to like walk down this long hall way in order to change trains.
So it's 2 o'clock in the morning
An its just me and this woman.
And were walking down the hallway,
she's walking a few yards ahead of me,
But she keeps giving me Like
the over the shoulder
like that you know.
And then, she starts to pick up the pace,
Like she starts to walk ALOT faster.
So I think "oh she must hear the train coming"
Or maybe she feels it in her feet like a Native American in a movie.
So I start to sprint down the hallway
at her
And she looks back and she's like "AHHHHHH"
And then she gives chace so now
we're booking it down the corridor
at 2 o'clock in the morning & I'm gaining on her!
Im gaining on her, and were getting to the end of the hallway,
And she starts to go into that like deadend shuffle
You know that women do when you chase'm.
And im almost there,
I'm almost at her and it dawns on me
"Oh she's running from me"
Because in her eyes I'm an adult
And adults rape each other
Kind of allot
So I wanted to go up to her and be like
"heeyyy nnooo,
Nahhh I'm not like a I'm not like a rrr like a rrr and im rrrr I'm not a man.
I'm just some stupid punk you know"
But I thank that, that would be equally creepy.
Ok, as if you ran into a subway station at 2 in the morning and I chased you down
Grabbed you and sayed "I'm not going to rape you I'm a little boy."
I've always been to interested in crime news and stuff like that
Like cold case files and that kind of thing
I love reading crime news in general
I like uhh the local paper in a city
Because they always have good crime coverage
And it's funny to me when the local paper will try and make someone sound prettier after their murdered
Like you'll walk by the news stand
and you'll see the headline
"Beauty Slain" and then you'll look at the photo and your like ummm...
How bout body found.
My new favorite term in uh crime reporting is someone is a person of interest
That means someone is like an unofficial suspect in a case
Which I think is a pretty good term
But to me Person of Interest to me almost sounds too flattering
Like if I was in my apartment and the police pounded on my door
And we're like A man was murdered in your lobby last night
And you are a person of interest
I would be like "Muah" oh do go on.
Fresh.
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