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Sames and Opposites Songtext
von Demetri Martin

Sames and Opposites Songtext

In life there are many things
Some of them are the same and some are opposites
About some of these things I do sing
A cactus is the opposite of a chair
In my house you can sit anywhere but there
Especially if your ass is bare
A bird house is not the same as a bird home
One is much more comfortable for birds
These are sames and opposites my friends
Which I determined
A musical is the same as a burlap sack
I would not want to be in either
A squirrel is the same as a can
When there′s a BB gun in my hand
Can't you see that I am just a man?
With distinctions and comparisons
Spare change is the same as wedgies for me
I don′t give it unless someone's really asking


Unless you're at a funeral
To live is the same as to dream
If you do both long enough you′ll see
But you have to work in between
Unless you have narcolepsy
(That was a boring solo)
Earrings are the same as sneezes
Two is okay but ten in a row is annoying
If you have two then God bless you
These are sames and opposites my friends
Which I have determined
A secret admirer is the same as a stalker
With stationery
An ex-girlfriend is the same as an okay movie
I liked it at the time but I don′t want to see it again
Especially if the movie was kind of a bitch
These are sames and opposites my friends
Which I have determined
So far

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von Demetri Martin

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