The Last Bristolian Pirate Songtext
von The Longest Johns

Oh, I used to be a farmer, and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land, along the western line
But times were hard, and though I tried, the money wasn′t there
And bankers came and took my land and told me, "Fair is fair"

I looked for every kind of job, the answer always, "No"
"Hire you now?" they'd always laugh, "We just let twenty go"
The government, they promised me a measly little sum
But I′ve got too much pride to end up just another bum

And I said, "Who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I'm going to be a pirate on the river Severn!"
(Yarr! Yoo-hoo, whoo)

And it's a-heave-ho-hi-ho
Coming down the plains (whoop)
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it′s a-ho-hey-hi-hey, farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on the Severn′s mighty shores


You'd think the other farmers would know that I′m at large
But just the other day, I saw an unsuspecting barge
I snuck up right behind them, and they were none the wiser
I rammed their boat and sank it, and I stole the fertilizer!

The bridge outside of Redwick spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a-quiver
'Cause they know that Tractor Jack is hiding in the bay (ha-ha-arr)
I′ll jump the bridge and knock them cold
And sail off with their hay

And it's a-heave-ho-hi-ho
Coming down the plains (whoop)
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it′s a-ho-hey-hi-hey, farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on the Severn's mighty shores

Well officer Robbie chased me, he was always at my throat
But he followed on the shoreline cause he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a-coming, and the copper lost his job
And now he sails with us, and we call him Salty Rob

A swinging sword, a skull and bones and pleasant company
I′ll never pay my income tax and screw the VAT (Screw it!)
Sailing down to Thornbury, the terror of the sea
If you wanna get to Tesco, boys, you′ve gotta get by me


And it's a-heave-ho-hi-ho
Coming down the plains (whoop)
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it′s a-ho-hey-hi-hey, farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on the Severn's mighty shores

Well pirate life′s appealing, but you don't just find it here
I hear that up in Yorkshire there′s a band of buccaneers
They roam around the Yorkshire dales from Smith to Beverley
And you're bound to lose your flat cap if you have to pass their way

Winter is a-coming, and a chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over if the rivers starts to freeze
Well, I'll be back in springtime and now I′ve got to fly
I hear there′s lots if plundering down in the Isle of Wight

And it's a-heave-ho-hi-ho
Coming down the plains (hey)
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it′s a-ho-hey hi-hey, farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on the Severn's mighty shores

And it′s a-heave-ho-hi-ho
Coming down the plains (whoop)
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a-ho-hey-hi-hey, farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on the Severn′s mighty shores

When you see the Jolly Roger on the Severn's mighty shores
Hey