Privateers of the Public Airwaves Songtext
von The Foremen

We′re Privateers... of the Public Airwaves!

(Spoken) Beware, ye Public Broadcasters!

We're comin′ for to scuttle your scurvy membership
We'll be about as subtle as a sloop upon a slip
There ain't no damn rebuttal what′ll button up our lip
Prepare to take a dip

We′re ravaging your culture, we're pillaging ad hoc
Don′t bother to consult yer stars or talk yer dandy talk
For yonder be a vulture circling with a budget hawk
So down the plank ye — Squawk!

Audio-ho-ho!
Video-ho-ho!
You're sinkin′ fast, you'll never last
So stand avast, ye knaves!
We′re privateers... of the Public Airwaves!

We wear a patch of black over both our pirate eyes
We'll cut you with a Draconian saber down to size
'Cause we got our tobacco and our rum to subsidize
Not to mention shakes and fries


We′re raisin′ up our standard so you can lower yours
We'll see you slashed and slandered and abandoned on the shores
Then sail away to grander days and blander metaphors
It′s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, bring on the media whores!

Audio-ho-ho!
Video-ho-ho!
You're sinkin′ fast, you'll never last
Another blast of our bombast
So stand avast, ye knaves!
We′re privateers... of the Public Airwaves!

We've carved a bucket o' blubber from every liberal lubber
And to the bottom fought ′em as we wished ′em pleasant journey
We're gaggin′ every elitist and every Sesame Streetist
We're throwin′ Grover over and the same with Bert and Ernie

(Spoken) We believe in the three R's — Arr, Arr and Arr!

And your many miscellanies, they haven′t made a dent
Can't stop a pirate when he's in a cutthroat sentiment
We′re pinchin′ all your pennies 'cause we can′t afford dissent
You'll like it at the bottom, ′cause that's where the First Amendment
Went


Audio-ho-ho!
Video-ho-ho!
We′ll split asunder, rape and plunder
Send 'er under, and defund 'er
Hear the thunder of our blunderbuss

We′re buckaneers
Prick up yer friggin′ ears
May the market force be with ya
Tough luck an' ′ere's to us!