The Big Glasgow Polis (song) Songtext
von Matt McGinn

With my handcuffs and my truncheon, my whistle and my book
I′m the scourge of all the criminals, the terror o' the crook
Upon my feet you′ll always find a pair of size eighteen
I'm the finest Glasgow polisman that you have ever seen

I was workin' in the Heilands with the toddy′s? makin′ tweed
Say whiskey and some potcheen (sp), to put jam upon my breid
My cousin, Donald he says to me, "Come on, we're wastin′ time.
We'll join the Glasgow polis force and put an end to crime."

One night when I was on my beat quite lonely by mysel′
I met a Glasgow lady; she was on her beat as well.
He asked me for the time. I obliged her with a snopt, Although I must confess, the time she asked was very short.


Now the Glasgow polis force it is acutely short of staff.
If I tell to you the reason, it'll maybe make some of you laugh.
Last night for breakin′ into to shops up in the Gallowgate,
They arrested seven criminals and one of them was my mate.

They've given me another mate. He's one of the finest men,
And he and me went out today upon the 2 to 10.
We′d scarcely left the station, when threw away his butt.
He says lend me 20 capsules, mate, until I show some stuff... Now if ever you′re in trouble and you dial 999,
And the operator tells you, "You should try another line,"
The line to try is some of the pubs, the Scotia and the Boar's.
That′s where you're sure to find me, lads, especially after hours.

With my handcuffs and my truncheon, my whistle and my book,
I′m the scourge of all the criminals, the terror o' the crook.
Upon my feet you′ll always find a pair of size eighteen.
I'm the finest Glasgow polisman that you have ever seen.