The Pubic Hair Song Songtext
von Kevin Bloody Wilson

You know, I've often wondered, and I s'pose you would of too,
What makes people 'round the world sound the way they do?
Their accents are all so different, though the language is the same,
So out of curiosity I thought I'd ask some of me mates.
I started with me mate the wog his name is Mario,
He said, 'I don't really understand but I give 'er a go.'
'Eh... I got this pubic hair, she stuck on my top lip,
And no matter how I move me mouth, I canna moova him.
I blow 'im with me garlic breath and wif me chin out like this, pfft,
But still that fuckin' pubic hair she stuck on my top lipa.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to despair,
'That tiny, smelly, little, stinkin' fishy pubic hair'.


Now Bluey Mill, he's a mate of mine and he's knocked around a bit,
From shearin' sheds and drillin' rigs to sewers shovelin' shit.
He's been there seen it and done it all, and sometimes he's done it twice,
And if any bloke would know it's him so I'll ask Bluey for advice.
It was one night 'round the barby, when we'd knocked back one or two,
I said, 'Blue old son how come you sound the way you do?'
'Well... I've got this fuckin' pubic hair, stuck right up me nose,
And I snort and sniff and go like this, but the bastard never goes.
So if ya recon I sound different, that's the reason I suppose,
This piddly fuckin' pubic hair stuck right up me nose.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to despair,
'Like an unwelcome and unwanted orphan fanny pubic hair.'

I could see a pattern formin' after Mario and Blue,
And I was startin' ta twig a bit why we sound the way we do.
And I was sittin' thinkin' drinkin' when me old mate Jock walked in,
And I thought now he's got a real strong accent so perhaps I should ask him.
It'll probably cost me a couple of beers 'cause he won't in his kick,
And I bought a beer and I asked him, I tell ya I'm fuckin' glad I did.
'Arglglgl... got this wee little pubic hair, stuck there on me roof,
nee matter how I roll my tongue, I can not pry it loose.
So that's the reason laddy, that I talk the way I do,
Sure would you with a pubic hair, stuck there on your roof.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to despair,
'Than a wee, stringy, straight like, curly pubic hair.'


Well the pattern it was there all right, but I wasn't quite convinced,
'Cause they're all Europeans I thought well what about the chinks.
'Cause they've got a funny way of talkin' and I'm pretty sure you'll agree,
That they don't even look like us let alone sound like you or me.
So I went out for a Chinesse meal 'cause I really like their chow,
And I asked the waiter and I tell ya what I'm fuckin' convinced now.
'Hock, hark... hive got this little pubic hair, stuck in back of froat,
Hold tongue down and breath like this, but fucking thing won't go.
That why oriental generaltamen, always say Harsow,
Fucking little pubic hair stuck in back of froat.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to despair,
'An hard to move and hard to swallow, little pubic hair.'

'That's right Jimmy, thats right.'
'Har thankyou, Harso.'
'I wonder if Billy Connolly has this problem?'