If It Doesn’t Snow on Christmas Songtext
von Joe Pesci

Santa works all day in his workshop
Makin′ a lotta games and toys
Then one day he hops in his sleigh
To bring them to the girls and boys

Santa's just as nice as he could be
There′s just one fucking thing that worries me

If it doesn't snow on Christmas
How's fatass gonna use that sleigh?
In case of rain, would there be a train
That′ll speed him on his way?

If it doesn′t snow this Christmas
How's fatass get around to us?
Say he breaks down on his way to town
Would they let him use a bus?

I sent him a nice long letter
And I hope it′s not in vain
I really would feel much better
If the fat fuck flew a plane


Now they say he's got eight reindeer
For the sleigh he′s drivin' here
But how the fuck′s he go
If it doesn't snow on Christmas this year?

Take it, boys, ah, that's so pretty
Wonderful, mo′fucking wonderful

I sent him a nice long letter
And I hope it′s not in vain
I really would feel much better
If the fat fuck flew a plane

Now they say he's got eight reindeer
For the sleigh he′s drivin' here
But how the fuck′s he go
If it doesn't snow on Christmas this year?

Alright! I got a treat for ya!

Listen to these kids! Are they great?

Beautiful, beautiful!

Are these kids great, or what?

Ah, they′re wonderful, wonderful

...for the sleigh he's driving here
How will fatso-

Ah, ah! Watch your mouths, your mothers might be listenin' now, that′s very sweet


Terrific, kids, terrific! You′re just great, everybody come over here!
Ya did a great job and I got candy for everybody! (Yay!)

Alright! Alright! Which one of you little pricks stole all the fuckin' candy canes?
Ah, nice, nice kids
Where′d ya get 'em, from a fuckin′ jail? Fuckin' reform school brats!
Get the fuck outta here, all of ya

(Awww!)

"It was Stewart! I saw! You took the candy!"

"I didn′t do nothin'!"

"Yes, you did!"