Billericay Dickie Songtext
von Ian Dury

Good evening, I′m from Essex
In case you couldn't tell
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
And I′m doing very well

Had a love affair with Nina
In the back of my cortina
A seasoned-up hyena
Could not have been more obscener
She took me to the cleaners
And other misdemeanours
But I got right up between her
Rum and her Ribena

Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If candy-floss is sticky
I'm not a blinking thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I′m doing very well


I bought a lot of Brandy
When I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make her randy
And all I had was shandy
Another thing with Sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a mandy
She didn′t half go bandy

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever took the mickey
I'm not a flipping thicky
I′m Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I′d rendez-vous with Janet
Quite near the Isle of Thanet
She looked more like a gannet
She wasn't half a prannet
Her mother tried to ban it
Her father helped me plan it
And when I captured Janet
She bruised her pomegranate

Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever shaped up tricky
I′m not a blooming thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well


You should never hold a candle
If you don′t know where it′s been
The jackpot is in the handle
On a normal fruit machine

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
Who's their favourite brickie
I′m not a common thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I′m doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag
Obliging and noblesse
Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
I thought you'd never guess

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
A pair of squeaky chickies
I′m not a flaming thicky
I'm Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well

Oh golly, oh gosh
Come and lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh
From Burnham-on-Crouch
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
And I ain′t a slouch

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
About Billericay Dickie
I ain′t an effing thicky
You ask Joyce and Vicky
I'm doing very well