Trauma to the Groin Songtext
von Heywood Banks

I love those funny video shows
I just can′t get enough
The cavalcade of concussions
Boy that's funny stuff
They′re tripping in Poughkeepsie
They're slipping in Des Moines
But the ones that win ten thousand bucks
Are all trauma to the groin

A trauma to the groin, boys, trauma to the groin
Nothing's quite as funny
As a trauma to the groin
There is no wit more pretty
There is no joke divine
Or limerick delicious as
A trauma to the groin


Now Jacob was a small boy
In a Tee Ball league
And his father stood behind him
Coaching to succeed
The boy he swung with all his might
You should have seen Dad′s face
When the bat connected
′Tween first and second base

Oh, a trauma to the groin, boys, trauma to the groin
Nothing's quite as funny
As a trauma to the groin
There is no wit more pretty
There is no joke divine
Or limerick delicious as
A trauma to the groin

We wanted to collect the check
From those video fools
So we taught our three year old
The running headbutt to the jewels
Too bad we left the lens cap on the camera by mistake
′Cause grandpa weren't too happy
About the second take


Oh, a trauma to the groin, boys, trauma to the groin
Nothing′s quite as funny
As a trauma to the groin
There is no wit more pretty
There is no joke divine
Or limerick delicious as
A trauma to the groin

One day while in the garden, I stepped upon a rake
The blow intense and accurate
An impression it did make
My children caught it all on tape
Thought it was the funniest thing
And I choked a curse out through my tears
As they began to sing

Oh, a trauma to the groin, boys, trauma to the groin
Nothing's quite as funny
As a trauma to the groin
There is no wit more pretty
There is no joke divine
Or limerick delicious as
A trauma to the groin

Well, I won the money
Though I fail to see the joke
Hey, each to his own, I guess
And most of the dough, well don′t you know
Paid the bill to the EMS
So let us see a show of hands
And let it be resolved
That a trauma's much more funny
If your own groin's not involved

Oh, a trauma to the groin, boys, trauma to the boys
Nothing′s quite as funny
As a trauma to the groin
There is no wit more pretty
There is no joke divine
Or limerick delicious as
A trauma to the groin