I Am the Very Model of Modern Major General Songtext
von Gilbert & Sullivan

I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I′ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I′m teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!

(With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!)
(With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!)
(With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypote-pote-nuse!)

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!

(In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral)
(He is the very model of a modern Major-General!)


I know our mythic history, King Arthur′s and Sir Caradoc′s
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes
Then I can hum a fugue of which I′ve heard the music's din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!

(And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!)
(And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!)
(And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-pina-fore!)

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev′ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

(In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral)
(He is the very model of a modern Major-General)

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I′m more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"


When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

(You′ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!)
(You′ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!)
(You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee!)

For my military knowledge, though I′m plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!

(But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral)
(He is the very model of a modern Major-General!)