Mr. Henderson Coughs Songtext
von Cassels

Mr Henderson was regarded as affable and generous
But since his cancer diagnosis he′d become irritable and cantankerous
His students at the comprehensive had started to take notice
And nicknames began to spread like spiderwebs of whispers
Sent as voice messages
On contraband devices
Alongside images of dictators
With Mr Henderson's face pasted crudely on top
The crowded corridors softly sniggered and mocked
As he spluttered and coughed his way through each lesson
Until this soon too became a trait ripe for parody and impersonation


Mr Henderson′s coughs echoed in the throats of the callous young
The only difference being when they coughed
Their handkerchiefs weren't stained with blood
He'd had enough
His fuse shortened
Tether lessened
And constricted into a coiled spring
Which began to bubble and boil
And put the fear of God into him
It was the day before his chemotherapy was due to begin
On a rainy Tuesday
Oppressive and grey
His final class of the afternoon had just started
He called out the first name on the register
The reply came
– A hacking mock cough

Mr Henderson lost it
Mr Henderson snapped
Mr Henderson leapt forward
And indiscriminately attacked
The students sprang from their seats in a state of disbelief
And scattered and ran
Some tried to fight back
But it was no use

Needless to say, he missed his appointment the next day
And then declined to rearrange it to a more convenient date
He hoped this would act as penance for the way that he′d behaved
He hoped that this decision to self-flagellate
Would help him on his way from early grave to pearly gates
He hoped the universe had some kind of divine order and shape
But who knows?
Who can say?