The Twelve Pains of Christmas Songtext
von Bob Rivers

The first thing at Christmas that′s such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that′s such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree


The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that′s such a pain to me
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that′s such a pain to me
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez (I'm tryin′ to rig up these lights)
And finding a Christmas tree


The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me
I wanna Transformer for Christmas
Charities, and what do you mean your in-laws?
Five months of bills
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
Daddy, I want some candy
Donations (facing my in-laws)
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers (now why the hell are they blinking?)
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that′s such a pain to me
"Batteries not Included" (no parking spaces)
Buy me somethin' (get a job, ya bum)
(Oh, facing my in-laws) five months of bills
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this
One light goes out, they all go out
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas that′s such a pain to me
Stale TV specials ("batteries not included")
No parking spaces (dad, I gotta go to the bathroom)
Charities (she's a witch, I hate her)
Five months of bills
Oh, I don't even know half these people
Oh, who′s got the toilet paper, huh? (Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse)
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that′s such a pain to me
Singing Christmas carols (stale TV specials)
"Batteries not included" (no parking?)
Charities (waah, waah) (gotta make 'em dinner)
Five months of bills
I′m not sendin' them this year, that′s it
Shut up, you- (fine, you're so smart, you rig up the lights)
And finding a Christmas tree