The Short‐Haired Police Cadet Songtext
von Billy Connolly

Ah′ll be yer short haired police cadet fae Maryhill,
I'll catch ye no matter whit ye dae.
If ah see ye smokin′ hashish up a close,
or if ye mug yer granny you won't get away. And if ah see ye winching in the dunny ma boy,
ye can be sure ah'll take down everything ye say.
Ah′ll be yer short haired police cadet fae
Maryhill, ah′ll catch ye no matter whit ye dae.


Ah'll be yer short arsed Shuggie fae Shettleston,
Ah′ll be yer mini Don Juan.
We'll do the Hokey Cokey and the Charleston,
And on the building site ah′ll even bile yer can.
We'll play at tiddlywinks and ludo and monopoly,
And if ye show ′s yer bum ah'll even let you win.
Ah be yer short arsed Shuggie fae Shettleston,
You'll be ma corporation clippy fae Carfin.