The Bayeux Tapestry Songtext
von Animaniacs

Well, the Normans conquered England
In the year 1066
Back when dentists weren′t a thing
And everyone had fleas and ticks
To commemorate their battle
And their courage in the fight
The Normans made the Bayeux Tapestry
Whose tale I'll now recite

Oh, King Edward, he was this guy
He was ruler, king, and czar
But the apples from his family tree had fallen pretty far
When he passed away, those leeches didn′t even wait a day
They all went in for the scepter like a Vegas night buffet

This guy Harold, Earl of Sussex
Who was rocking this goatee
Put his hand up high and swore
"Edward gave England to me!"
So he had the Archie Bishop go ahead and crown him king
But our hero said no thanks to kissing Harold's stupid ring


William of Normandy on France's shore
Duke since the age of twelve and hungry for more
He made a claim upon the throne
Flakier than a croissant
So his name would live forever in this fun and nifty font

Now, with Harold the usurper, Will was wondering how to cope
Then he noticed Halley′s Comet and thought, "That looks pretty dope!
It′s the universe commanding me to make all England mine!
So I'll bring some boats and horses and a jug or two of wine"

Good old Willy had an army
Was at least ten-thousand strong
They marched every day in chainmail
More annoying than a thong
Yes, their thighs were really chafing
And their helmets way too tight
Maybe that′s why after Hastings
They torched everything in sight

In the middle of the battle
Things were going down the drain
'Cause the Normans heard a nasty rumor that their Duke was slain
So then Willy took his helmet off to show he was alive
And the rest is TLDR but the gist is Harold died (Oh, that′s sad)


William the Conquerer
He stole our hearts
Burned down our houses and our horses and our carts
With his brothers Bob and Odo
He had sailed across the sea
Sure, he killed a lot of people
But that's ancient history

William the Conquerer
He was so neat
When enemies mocked him
He cut off their feet
He′s probably getting tortured down in Hades by some ghoul
But he's related to Elizabeth
That's why we think he′s cool

Now that′s a crash course in the Tapestry you'll never learn in school