A Brief History of History Songtext
von Animaniacs

Aaaaaaaat first there was nothingness
Then some unknown process
Led to a great big explosion
The universe grew
From a subatomic stew
Of quarks, gluons, plasmas and bosons!
Then gas and dust settled
On hot cores of metal
And one of these cores was called "Earth"
It was covered with goop
A primordial soup
From which all of Earth′s life
Was then birthed!
At first single cells
Some swam or grew shells
Still others evolved to hunt prey
Some hid in the sand
Some crawled onto land
So life, well, life found a way!
There were mosses and gymnosperms


Seven-foot-long earthworms
Huge dragonflies ruled the sky
Amphibians, cephalopods
Pedalers both bi- and quad-
Reptiles started to fly!
We had lizards both big and small
Mammals, not big at all
Sharks were the size of a house
Then one little meteor
Killed all the dinosaurs
So we evolved from a mouse!
8,000 B.C.
Creation theory
Would dictate this song should start here
Though most of our herd
Agree it's absurd
Some teach it in place of Shakespeare!
Let′s skip evolution
There's two revolutions
Agriculture took us to towns
Humans learned to grow wheat
Got all fat, loved to eat
Stopped walking and just settled down
Then industrial next
Its major effect:
To take us from towns to the city
We mined coal and built trains
Machines plowed all our grains
And we treated the workers real sh--
We recorded some tunes
Put a man on the moon
Fought more wars
Than we'd care to recount
Sent the phoenix to Mars
Built electric cars
And polluted a shocking amount
Skipping to now
We survived, not sure how
And it′s getting real hard to keep track...
There′s Wikipedia, smart phones
Tablets, unmanned drones
Pick-your-own-genomes
Ridesharing sheep clones
Earthquakes and cyclones
Valleys of silicone
Gluten-free vegan scones
Temperature milestones
Keystones and sword thrones
High-interest payday loans
Cyclists' testosterone
Everything Musk owns
But at least now us Warners are back!
We′re back, baby!