Armpit Hair (Mammally Factual) Songtext
von Alix Olson

There were no seats on the subway
So i had to grab a strap
As i lifted up my arm i heard a scream "what′s that?"
I took a look around,
I thought "there must be something scary".
Like a lion or a tiger or the virgin mary?
But then, i noticed they were looking at me.
I heard "oh my gawd! they're hairy!"

You turn thirteen, they put a razor in your hand
To teach you the difference between a woman and a man.
You see, chicks smooth their pits
So boys can smooth the chicks.
But i was different, i wanted to smooth the chicks,
I wanted to lick their pits!

Armpit hair! armpit hair! (i like it)
Armpit hair! armpit hair! (spike it, spike it!)


I was walking around brooklyn
When these cool guys drove by
They said "we′re looking for a good time baby,
Wanna ride?"
I flashed my biggest smile,
I said "hey, sounds like fun"
Then i flash my armpit hair. they turn. they run.

Armpit hair! armpit hair! (it's a weapon)
Armpit hair! armpit hair! (use discretion)

Well, i hear that the senate is planning a convention
To pass an amendment
On body hair prevention. i'm planning on attending,
I′ll be sitting in the front row.
I′ll have chains on my pits screaming
"Hell no, it won't go!"
I′m like inspector gadget, when i unfurl my curls
I lasso all the bad guys, then i rope in all the girls.
Well, i figure i owe